sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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