so that wasnt chicken after all
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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