Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
