My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
