I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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