so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
