Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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