I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
