Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
