Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
