if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
