That's when you crack a 10am beer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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