Dual....:-)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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