On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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