It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
