you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
