I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drunk is not a location!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
