evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
