my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
