Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
