I didn't shave. On purpose
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
