She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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