Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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