Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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