why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
