I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
