Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
