It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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