just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
