Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
