hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
