I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
