I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
