I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
