You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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