If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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