someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
