Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
