..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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