It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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