you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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