shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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