I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
