pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Say something about gay babies.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
