Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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