I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
