just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
