Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
