P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
