I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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