Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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